What Should You Call Me and Other Facts

by checkeredfoxglove

Hi, I’m Foxglove, writer, artist, and handcrafter mediocré (say that like you’re saying “extraordinaire” and it fits). I’ve written seven novel-length pieces of fiction and two novels, one of which is undiluted crap, the other of which is a romance novel in disguise, and also crap. I’ve all but given up on the long stuff—see, I don’t do subplots or sideline romance. I like my stories to get to the goddamn point, thankyouverymuch, and novels just don’t do that effectively. Or maybe I’ve just been reading too much Stephen King*.

My favorite stories contain sickly little street rats who get taken in by attractive older benefactors, dry historico-geographical descriptions of the setting, fallible young ladies who take responsibility for way more than they can really handle (and then go and handle it YAY LADIES), or spaceships. Therefore, my favorite books are: an extraordinary number of tawdry gay porn novels, Woman of the Iron People by Eleanor Arneson and Cards of Grief by Jane Yolen, Acorna by Anne McCaffrey and Margaret Ball and the Newsflesh trilogy by Mira Grant, and Pebble in the Sky by Heinlein (I skip the sexist parts; women have about three paragraphs in the whole book, so it’s not that hard). This list changes frequently. The truth is, I don’t actually have specific favorite books, just full-on wall-mounted bookshelf of My Favorite Books. It’s large. Humans are mostly pretty gross, so I read books instead.

My favorite colors are Tuscan Red, Burnt Ochre, Peacock Blue, and Sunburst Yellow even though I don’t like yellow very much, because Sunburst Yellow comes out different colors depending on what you put it on top of and that is cool. These are also really excellent skin colors, which is mostly what I use them for, because enough with the white people, man. As a white person, I’m sick of us. We’re like an invasive vine or some shit, and I’m tired of this boring peachy-cream color. Plus, blushing is hard, and my white people always come out sunburned or zombified (green shadows. Bad choice).

Though I draw normal-range dark skin most often, I have three favorite skin colors, which are: Have You Ever Seen the Sun You Look Seriously Ill, I’m Not Sure Humans Actually Come This Dark, and Are You Literally Made of Copper For I Am Certain That Humans Don’t Come in That Color. As you can imagine, many of my sexy characters are not regular humans, and are in fact A) gene mods or B) magic. One of them is the copper-plated figurehead of a crashed spaceship who is also a robot and a navigation AI. He is very good-looking and that’s pretty much all I know about him at this point.

So, I’ve covered favorite books, favorite colors, I’m not that into music, and… I think that’s the gist of the usual introductory post. In summary, I’m a middle-class white American lady who is hopefully going to get her Anthropology undergrad degree this year if she doesn’t fall apart again (yay hereditary depressive tendencies! If I keep eating like a good girl it won’t become full-blown depression, but oh boy is that hard!), and then I’m going to work fast-food because it’s easy on the brain and I like it, and eventually I’m hoping to become a midwife**. Then I can join Doctors Without Borders or something and help train midwives in the places that need them most, like the Kirgiz region in Afghanistan (which, you guys, go read about it, it’s sad/cool, and also their sheep have giant adorable boofy tails). I am primarily a writer, but in order to be a good writer, I’ll need Experiences, and those are the kinds of Experiences I’d like to have.

Big dreams.



*I actually like Stephen King most of the time, I just find him incredibly frustrating when he throws in totally interesting nonsense that never quite fits with the rest of the story, because he was stoned. Maybe I should read some newer stuff, from when he wasn’t stoned the whole time.

**I am 95% down with obstetricians, but I don’t want to be one. I couldn’t handle the risk of cutting the wrong organ and killing someone. People with guts like that have all my respect but I am so not that person.